I AM NOT A COMMITTEE: Disney to form group to kill Star Wars Expanded Universe

Disney appoints a group to determine a new, official Star Wars canon.

Well, we all knew this was coming eventually. And to be brutally honest, it is way overdue. The Star Wars Expanded Universe has a lot of stuff in it that really shouldn’t be there, whether some poorly thought out children novels in the 90s (looking at you, Jedi Prince series) or, you know, the entire “New Jedi Order” era. Or really anything off of this list.

The sad thing is, though, the EU is probably going to just be killed off entirely, at least post-Return of the Jedi, because let’s face it, the EU’s fanbase is about as valuable as sand on Tatooine. Vibrant as it is, the vast majority–we’re talking about 99 out of 100, here–of Star Wars fans do not care about the EU, and indeed think it is an international alliance of Old World socialist nations that in 100 years will be fighting with the Asians over the last scraps of this planet. I mean I love it, there are other nerds who love it, but then they dress up as Twi’lek girls and it just gets awkward.

Besides, it would totally get in the way of JJ. Abrams’ lens flares, and we can’t have that!

Now, Leland Chee, the Keeper of the Holocron (and thus, for several years now, effectively the Director of Continuity Management at Lucasfilm Licensing) will be in on this, which means that all of us EU fans will be appeased like the good people of Alderaan…before our jewel is blasted to tiny, tiny bits. Remember, lens flares. Can’t get in the way.

But you know, maybe that’s a good thing. I have a list of things we could easily kill:

  • The New Jedi Order Series
  • Legacy of the Force
  • Fate of the Jedi
  • Courtship of Princess Leia
  • The Force Unleased (as well as its sequel)
  • Knights of the Old Republic
  • The Crystal Star
  • The Jedi Prince series
  • Galaxy of Fear series (seriously, what a joke)
  • The Ewoks series and movies

Well, that’s all I can think of at the moment, but I am sure there are more. There have been a flurry of Star Wars novels lately, many of whom involve Han Solo, that I hear aren’t that good. (Like one that was going to be Ocean’s Eleven but with Dash Rendar, but turned out horribly; and a couiple of ones with zombies. Look, I like zombies, and I like Star Wars. But unless your name is Eden Studios, Inc., you don’t have permission to mix the two. Or into the Sarlacc with you.)

But yeah, it’s not really a bad thing. I would like a fresh start. Still skeptical that whatever JJ will do with that galaxy far, far away will actually be good (I’m really not a fan of his Star Trek reboots) but I will give a shot. And by a shot I mean a dram of Corellian whiskey, because that is always good.